Monthly Archives: February 2015

My s&$%ty life

Too much lemonade

Tracking tip: Use lemon juice to hide your scent. Does this really work? Well, I don’t know since you are tracking dead things but it gives you something to do with all those lemons life throws at you.

Well, I was mostly going to blog about my follow up to my Hail the New Year post but I had to write this instead. Because right now, life just keeps on throwing me lemons. And I mean that both literally and figuratively.

Literally: Look at the poor tree growing way too many lemons!

SAM_0017

And every time I go outside, it throws another lemon to the ground.SAM_0016

 

Some are as big as a grapefruit, some are barely big enough to be called a lemon. Some taste good and some I can tell are bad and don’t bother to try to juice. I now have three gallons of lemon juice in the fridge and more frozen and STILL haven’t seen the last of the lemons.

Figuratively: just when I have gotten most of the previous lemons (issues) squeezed and managed, the tree throws more at my feet. In preparing to write the blog post about my successful handling of problems in the new year, my friend called to tell me she has breast cancer.

If you have read my previous posts, you know about my best friend that passed away from breast cancer 3 years ago and I still miss her horribly. I have gotten very close to this new friend and the other day she mentioned that I was her best friend. I hesitated and mumbled that she was my best friend as well. I don’t know why I was reluctant to admit it. We have lunch all the time, text and talk regularly, share our innermost thoughts and feelings and seem to have bonded. Maybe it’s like telling someone “I love you” too soon, maybe I didn’t want the commitment, maybe I felt I was betraying my other friend who passed. I don’t know but the news of her cancer hit me like a rock.

How can I make lemonade out of this lemon? I mean, I am an optimist (though perhaps you wouldn’t know it by my blogs) and I have made almost everything have SOME positive spin.

Daughter has severe depression: At least we are dealing with it before she goes to college and life gets REALLY tough.

Too busy to write: At least I am earning a bit of money and spending time with my daughter who will be gone starting her own life before I know it.

Marriage on the rocks: At least we are learning to communicate, even if it is fighting.

Kids growing up and leaving: At least I have time to discover what I want to do, for the first time.

New best friend diagnosed with breast cancer……. sorry I can’t find anything good to get out of this. Wait….nope. Nothing.

I have enough lemonade, thank you. So no more lemons, life, please.

Please.

 

Uncategorized

Oops again

Well here it is, another blog, over a MONTH after I said I would write, write, write. Life again got in the way.

In some ways, I am okay with this but in some I am not. For example, part of it was the Scottsdale Arabian horse show with my daughter in which she took home several firsts and championship for herself as well as many firsts, a champion and a reserve champion for the other horses she rode. She might even win high point youth rider for the division! But we must wait until the points are added. Ok ok, enough bragging about my awesome kid.

As terrific as the show was, it took everything I had for two solid weeks (actually 16 days). I had two days off in the middle but that was just to catch up on laundry and other things that run a household. But, again, to see my daughter’s face when the championship was announced was worth every second I spent mucking out stalls and cleaning whatever horse items come within reach.

There are several drawbacks to the show, however. The most important was that my son came home for one of the weekends and I didn’t get to spend any time with him. He is as awesome and talented as my daughter but still looking for his particular niche in life. Right now I just enjoy what little time he is home from college by playing chess and various strategy games with him, but I missed this go.

Also I am now scurrying to accomplish all those things I have not done, including cleaning my refrigerator of left overs that have started sprouting appendages. Hm, maybe if I just leave them for another week they will crawl away on their own! (Sorry, old joke!)

One thing that did happen in this past month I haven’t decided yet is good or bad. My husband has accepted a job in another state. In most ways this is great news! It pays more, he hates his current job, and is a great company which he wants to work at until he retires.

The bad: I don’t want to go. I want to support my husband and I am so very proud of him and how hard he works. But to be perfectly honest, right at this moment, it would be no hardship for me to stay here and have him live elsewhere. He has traveled extensively for years and I am used to him being gone.

But that is not entirely all. For any of you who have read my previous blogs, you know that our marriage is very rocky right now. I have had much reflection time in this past month and have come to a realization:

Up until now, I have not had a life of my own. I have lived for my husband and children and not for myself.

Since this blog has been large enough, I will detail this in the next one so stay tuned. I promise it will not be a month before I get to it! (In fact, I have just reread my previous blog and realized that I have indeed lived up to some of my promises to myself, despite my feelings that I have not. Thus, the new blog will be out within a day or two!)